Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
