His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
