I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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