Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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