You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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