on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
