can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
