I am in a vortex of obligation.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
