I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
