just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
