It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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