We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
