Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
