If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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