Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
