id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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