Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
