I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
