Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
