I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
