the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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