i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
