is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
