Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
