i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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