He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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