The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
