just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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