he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
3pm strippers are depressing
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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