Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
