Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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