dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
