I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
