just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
