I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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