A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
