just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
