i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
