can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
