His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
