And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
