I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
