Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
