why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I am available for nakedness
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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