of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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