I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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