I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize