I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
