Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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