Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have demons in me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
