I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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