My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
