That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
