it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
