took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
