none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
