the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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