if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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