is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
