why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
