i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
