I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
