i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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