can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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