Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
