i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
