When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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