Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
