ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
