dude i'm inner monologue high
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
