Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize