It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
