I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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