my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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