You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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