When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize