oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I did not marry a roomba.
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