I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
