If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
