after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I need a burrito and a hug.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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