I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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